Jonathan Franzen was not the first philosopher
to take a crack at the cultural catastrophe that is Facebook, but Thomas Merton
might have been. Writing in the 70’s, Merton developed a theory he called “the
package concept of love”. However, forty
years later, Franzen proves that Merton’s argument still rings true- to a
frightening degree. Additionally, modern technological consumerism has risen
to, and indeed exceeded, the dangers expressed in Merton’s original concept. In
a comparison of Merton’s Love and Need: Is
Love a Package or a Message? and Franzen’s Liking is for Cowards. Go for What Hurts, startling similarities
can be seen between the two works, despite the four decades of history and
social development between them. Both authors make arguments against
consumerism and paint it as a harshly negative influence on our modern
conceptions of what love is. Focusing specifically on the pitfalls brought on
by need, narcissism, and perpetual dissatisfaction, the Merton-Franzen
dream-team attempts to save us from the dangers of adopting attitudes of consumerism
into our love affairs.
To
warn us of a misconception of love (brought on by the belief that love should
complete us in some way, or offer us some necessary, and missing, component of
ourselves) Franzen offers a comparison to modern technological consumerism. He claims that technology strives to create a
world so perfectly respondent to our spontaneous desires, that our devices
become an extension of ourselves. For example, an IPhone has become so attuned
to our needs, that many perceive their phone’s ability to find and provide
information from the Internet, as a representation of their own intelligence; a
fulfillment of a part of self they didn’t quite have before. Franzen claims we
have grown to expect this from both our technology and our lovers. Our modern
relationship with technological consumerism has conditioned us to view our
lovers as agents of wish fulfillment. Merton seems to agree, claiming that we
charge into love with a conception of massive personal need and an expectation
that this need will be fulfilled. After all, Merton says, this is what
consumerism has taught us to demand. Both authors chastise our treatment of
lovers, as we expect them to perceive, respond to, and satisfy our needs
instantly, with unwavering consistency. In this way, we accept our lovers into
our own self-identity, just as a puzzle accepts its last piece. We expect them
to be the completion of our whole- the missing aspect of our full being.
Franzen
argues (and Merton agrees) that this approach to love is born out of an
immature, and often regressive, commitment to narcissism. If Merton thought our
society had problems with narcissism in the 70’s, he would have a hernia upon
the discovery of Facebook and it’s societal effects. Dubbing the social media website as little
more than a “flattering hall of mirrors”, Franzen berates Facebook as the
champion of narcissism. He claims that modern society has used the platform as
a means of self-commodification. We use our Facebook profiles to present
ourselves as the most attractive product possible. For example, many young
women at my high school had the habit of attending parties and social
gatherings simply because they knew the pictures of such a gathering would find
their way onto Facebook. These young ladies posed for pictures all-night and
cried “FACEBOOK!” in unison with each camera flash, in order to add value to
their ‘package’. Being tagged on Facebook as attending parties with
upperclassmen, made them seem more attractive in the vicious hierarchy of high
school popularity. Our profile becomes our market in which we sell our wares.
In a market so saturated with advertising, narcissism is not just promoted and
enabled, its demanded. Merton identifies this behavior and points out the
slippery slope of vanity. He warns that
is it very easy to become consumed with your own self-image; obsessed with the
value of your own product. As we become blinded by our own profiles and grow
increasingly devoted to the maintenance of our own beloved images, we slowly
replace our capacity for love, with self-interest. Narcissism inhibits an
authentic and joyous life because it is not possible to make a genuine
connection with a lover while harboring such extreme levels of vanity and
self-obsession.
Encouraged
by consumerism to set and hold exceptionally high expectations, we become
victim to severe dissatisfaction. The IPhone is never moody. It’s not
temperamental. It does not annoy or frustrate you, but most importantly, it
never disobeys your desires. Franzen claims that technology is not ugly, it is
not flawed, and it never displays unattractive attitudes. And if it does, you get rid of it. You march yourself down to the Apple store and
tell the sales associate that your device is not, in fact, providing a magical,
dream-like, fantasy experience. And you know happens? They give you another one. If you have apple care, they will send
you home with a brand-new, shiny device in your pocket that day. This is the
attitude we have adopted with our lovers. Our entitled expectation for the
fulfillment of our respective love-fantasies by our lovers, leads us to
inevitable and perpetual dissatisfaction when we open our eyes and discover we
are dating an inherently fallible human being- A being who farts in the bed and
never cleans the dishes and cuts his toe nails on the carpet. We think to
ourselves, “This is not what I signed up for” and the next day we have reopened
our love-market stalls and rearranged our wares in an especially attractive
manner. Merton thinks that the complete
saturation of our society in idealized advertising and media, keeps us feeling incredibly
dissatisfied with the inadequate fulfillment we feel we are receiving. And he’s
right. Forty years after Merton’s initial warning, and our society is still
struggling just to understand the
meaning of authentic love, let alone be satisfied with it.
So
where’s the moral? Where’s the button to eject us from this warped world of
consumeristic love? Merton and Franzen
agree, that escape is in the love and worship of the lover. Characterized by
Merton as “a sacrifice”
love necessitates a certain relinquishment of self in order to
experience it fully. One must let go of a part of ones self in order to
experience the joys and despairs of another, as one’s own. This transformation,
says the dream-team, is authentic love. Franzen makes this point quite
poetically in saying that love is infinite compassion born out of the personal
epiphany that another individual is just as real and important as you are. When
we approach love in this way, we do not think only of our own needs and
fulfillment, but of how the partnership with the lover can provide growth and
happiness for each. We are distracted from our general narcissism by the
specific importance and inherent beauty of our lover. Once we discard
expectations of perfection and fantasy, we can no longer fall prey to
discontentment. Once one learns to embrace empathy, one learns to see
themselves and their lover as inherently valuable. The need to present one’s
self a product in order to maintain value, dissipates.
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